The following is an excerpt from the book The Pinball Theory of Apocalypse
by Jonathan Selwood
Published by Harper Perennial; August 2007;$13.95US/$17.50CAN; 978-0-06-117387-5
Copyright © 2007 Jonathan Selwood

Just as I’m touching up the manic glint in Tom Cruise’s eyes, another aftershock hits. I stumble back from the easel to try and keep from toppling over, but with the hardwood floor shifting violently in all three dimensions at once, it’s like trying to cross a cobblestone street blind drunk in stiletto heels. Fortunately, a waist-high pile of old Celeb magazines breaks my fall.

The tremor ends just seconds after it starts, but a dry fog of lead paint dust continues to sift down from the ceiling. I wait a minute to make sure the ground isn’t going to start moving again, then limp over to turn on the clock radio next to the futon couch. A male DJ’s voice blares out in midstream.

“ . . . is roughly equivalent to dropping a bowling ball off the Eiffel Tower. Please remember that phones should be used only in the case of an emergency, and not to call up the station and request the ‘Earthquake Song’ by the Little Girls. Let me also remind the two or three of you who haven’t heard this before to refrain from firing up that crack pipe until you’re absolutely positively sure you don’t smell gas, to boil any tap water before drinking, and to slip on those Ugg boots before strolling over the broken glass and shards of jagged metal that most likely carpet your floor. . . . In other disaster news, one of our deservedly unpaid interns managed to spill wheat grass juice in all three CD players, so I’ll be dipping into the vinyl vaults as we wait with bated breath for the always riveting Cal Tech report. . . .”

X’s “Los Angeles” starts crackling through the clock radio speaker. I turn up the volume, and take a minute to look around at the disaster that was once my apartment.

Dirty plates and cereal bowls are stacked everywhere, improvised ashtrays spill out over piles of old tabloid magazines, and layers of spattered paint cake the hardwood floor in a riot of clown colors. For the past two weeks I haven’t seen my boyfriend, Javier, haven’t checked the mail, haven’t left the apartment for more than half an hour at a time. For the past week I’ve been too nauseated to eat anything but Trader Joe’s pot stickers. And for the past three days I haven’t changed out of my paint-spattered black T-shirt and jeans. All of this the result of my attempt to (in the words of my sociopathic art dealer Juan Dahlman) “launch my meteoric rise to fame.”

Of course, in addition to the mess are the five new canvases that Dahlman plans to sell for a whopping fifty thousand dollars apiece come my opening Sunday afternoon (he claims Sunday afternoon is the new Thursday). Paintings I originally conceived as a satiric bayonet into the partially hydrogenated heart of contemporary society, but which my two-hundred-dollar-an-hour media training coach has reprogrammed me to call “transcendently kitschy.”

Propped against my desk is Raphael’s Madonna and Child with the original faces replaced by Britney Spears and her son Sean. Hanging over the futon is David’s The Death of Marat featuring a turbaned and bloody Kurt Cobain in the bathtub. And on the easel itself is American Gothic redone with a smiling Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. As usual, the reproductions are technically flawless (with the exception, obviously, of the celebrity substitutions). I suppose if my new career as a sellout artist/media whore implodes, I can always move to Ibiza and become a professional forger.

The aftershock scattered my paintbrushes all over the floor, so I pick them up and carry them into the bathroom to clean. A new earthquake crack has appeared, running diagonally across the mildewed blue shower tile, but the two finished canvases I did with cobalt drier are still miraculously balanced on the towel rack. Placing the brushes in a coffee can on the soap dish ledge, I turn on the faucet. Rust-colored water spurts down into the basin, stops, then starts again with a shuddering of pipes, only to begin immediately pooling up from the paint-clogged drain. I shut the faucet back off, grab a bottle of “eco-friendly” drain cleaner from the ledge of the toilet, and pour the last of it in.

It takes a full minute of staring at the gaunt woman’s face in the mirror above the sink for me to recognize it. My skin has drained from what I’ve always thought of as an SPF 15 pale to a tubercular pallor, my cheeks have sunken in painfully, and the dark circles under my eyes now match my black hair and T-shirt. Jesus, even my eyes themselves seem to be darkening.

The sink finally drains, and I’m about to begin cleaning the brushes, when there’s a knock at the front door.

Copyright © 2007 Jonathan Selwood

Author
Jonathan Selwood — evil incarnate or poseur extraordinaire?

I was born in Hollywood, California. In other words, the first time I played doctor as a kid was on a neighbor’s circular fur-covered waterbed with a mirror on the ceiling. The girl’s parents and two younger siblings were busy out by the pool hosting a nude cocaine party.

My own parents, in contrast, were from back east, and did not partake in nude cocaine parties. I was thus instilled from a young age with a strong New England-style Puritan ethic, while at the same time being raised in what is arguably the most depraved and wantonly hedonistic neighborhood in the world. When I finally graduated high school and left to attend college in Vermont, I was completely ill-prepared for the relative lack of debauchery (i.e., the nude parties had no cocaine, and the cocaine parties had no nudity).

After college, I moved down to Chiapas, Mexico, and tried my best to write on the cheap. It lasted about four months. Then I moved to New York City and tried my best to write on the expensive. It lasted about five years. Eventually I moved to Portland, Oregon, in search of a happy medium.

Portland’s been pretty good to me so far, but I must admit that in the dead of a rainy winter, I’m still inclined to wax nostalgic for those carefree sunny southern California days, and the nude cocaine parties of my youth.

Age: 27 (give or take any number of years)

Height: 4 foot 8 inches (seated)

Weight: Enough to throw around

Politics: Lapsed Anarchist

Religion: Evangelical Absurdist

Sport: Shot put

Hobbies: Talking very loudly when intoxicated, composting kitchen scraps, excessively rolling my R’s when ordering burrrrrritos . . . using ellipses . . .

Favorite Movie: Without bourbon, Lost in Translation. With bourbon, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

Favorite Album: El Poder de New York by Oro Solido

Worst Job: HMO medical equipment denial guy (i.e., “I realize your son has no legs, sir, but I’m afraid his insurance plan doesn’t cover wheelchairs. Have you considered duct-taping him to some sort of a skateboard?”)

Best Job: Writer

Strangest Job: Bouncer at a bar in Chiapas, Mexico. Despite growing up in Los Angeles, my knowledge of Mexican slang is limited at best. I often resorted to waving a baseball bat in the air and screaming things like, “I throw feces at your slatternly granddaughter’s chicken tamales, you obese pubic hair!”

Best Drink I Ever Invented: The Eyeball. (Two ounces Everclear, two ounces water, ice, and three dashes Angostura bitters. Why yes, it is strong . . .)

Worst Drink I Ever Invented: The Exxon Valdez. (Two ounces Kahlua, two ounces Jagermeister. Garnish with an anchovy.)

Reviews
“Read this book, because laughing yourself to death is the second best way to go.”
–Arthur Nersesian, author of The Fuck-Up and Chinese Takeout

Daphne Oz’s The Dorm Room Diet garnered major media attention when it was published in September 2006 for her whole new approach to looking good, feeling great, and staying fit in college—and for life

Based on the successful principles of her original book, THE DORM ROOM DIET PLANNER (Newmarket Press, 160 pages, $12.95 paperback, Pub date: August 20, 2007) is filled with motivational tips and checklists for readers to put Daphne’s advice in practice and keep track of their progress.

This new illustrated companion guidebook helps college students and others living on their own for the first time create and follow their own lifestyle plan. Daphne provides step-by-step instructions to guide her peers through the temptations of college life. The Dorm Room Diet Planner is divided into five sections:

o Get Inspired: How can I begin?
o Get Informed: What do I need to know?
o Get Moving: Exercises and exercise logs
o Get the Numbers: How many vitamins? What’s my BMR?
o Get Going: Tips and journal pages for your first 30 days

Without the restrictions of doomed-to-fail diets, The Dorm Room Diet and The Dorm Room Diet Planner give students the tools to lose weight, think and feel better, and stay healthy. Available at Amazon and other major retailers.

written by Lois Winston

Here’s a dirty little secret: Most editors and agents will toss a manuscript aside after a page or two if the voice/style/story hasn’t hooked them by that point. One agent has even published a book on the importance of the first five pages.

I would like to distill this down further and suggest that an author needs to hook the reader with an opening sentence. As someone who has judged many writing contests and read countless first chapters, I’ve come across hundreds of openings with what I can only describe as BLAH first sentences. The author goes on to compound the problem by then giving the reader several paragraphs, if not pages, of either backstory or boring description. The author may have a fantastic story, but if she put her readers to sleep before they get to that story, she’s got problems. A good opening doesn’t give a reader an excuse to put down a book. It makes the reader want to read more to find out what happens next.

One of the best opening sentences I’ve ever read was from KISS AN ANGEL by Susan Elizabeth Phillips. That book’s first sentence is: Daisy Devreaux had forgotten her bridegroom’s name. Now how can you not go on reading after that? What a killer sentence! It grabs the reader and drags her into the story.

The first sentence should make the reader want to read the second sentence. The hook doesn’t have to be defined in the first sentence, but that first sentence should lead you into the next. And that one to the next. Until you have a paragraph that becomes a hook that grabs you as a reader and won’t let go. That first paragraph should do for the first page what the first sentence did for the first paragraph, and the first page should do for the subsequent pages what the first paragraph did for the first page.

The opening of a book should be filled with interesting action and/or dialogue that intrigues the reader and makes her want to continue reading. One of the worst mistakes an author can make is to fill the opening of her book with paragraph after paragraph of backstory or description. The opening of a book is meant to suck the reader into the world the author has created. Backstory can come later, trickling in to tease the reader to continue reading more, not as information dumps that pull the reader from the story. A good opening will include only the barest minimum of backstory that is essential for that moment.

As for description, it should be woven into the narrative and dialogue. Nothing bores a reader more than long paragraphs describing everything from the length of the heroine’s hair to the color of her toenail polish. It pulls the reader from the story. And pulling the reader from the story is a BAD thing. It adversely affects the pacing of the book, and good pacing is something that is important to a well-written manuscript.

Sometimes the plot and conflict might not be evident in the opening of the book, but there should be enough of a tease within that opening to give the reader an indication of events to come. Dialogue or narrative action are usually the best ways for a writer to accomplish this. A good book will often begin by throwing the reader right into the middle of a conversation or event.

Be aware, though, that gimmickry has no place in good fiction. If you open your book with a situation that’s cliché or right out of a TV sit-com, it will stand out like a neon sign and not act as a hook to draw the reader into the story. The best hooks will draw the reader into the book without the reader even being aware that there is a hook. If a hook is too obvious, all the reader will see is the hook and not be drawn into the story.

However, when opening your book, don’t think in terms of ‘this could never happen.’ Remember that truth is often stranger than fiction, and just because an author creates a situation that’s unfamiliar to the reader, it doesn’t mean that the situation doesn’t or can’t exist. Think about it — the secret baby and marriage of convenience are two of the most popular plots in romance fiction. Yet how many of us have ever met someone who had a secret baby or was thrust into a marriage of convenience? What you need to think about is whether you have created a situation that enables the reader to suspend disbelief and enter the world you’ve created. And by ‘world’ I don’t necessarily mean a paranormal plot. The ‘world’ is the story the author is writing and the characters she’s created to populate that world.

So begin your books by sucking the reader into your world.

© 2007 Lois Winston

***
Award-winning author Lois Winston writes humorous, cross-genre, contemporary novels. She often draws upon her extensive experience as a crafts designer for much of her source material. Her first book, TALK GERTIE TO ME, a combination chick lit/hen lit/romantic comedy with a touch of the paranormal, was an April 2006 release and has to date won a Readers and Bookbuyers Best award and racked up nominations for a Reviewers Choice Award, a Golden Leaf Award, and a Beacon Award. LOVE, LIES & A DOUBLE SHOT OF DECEPTION, a mom-lit romantic suspense, was a June 2007 release.

Lois also contributed to DREAMS & DESIRES, a charity anthology of 19 romances by 19 authors which was released in February 2007. All proceeds from this anthology go to a shelter for battered women. In addition, Lois is a contributor to HOUSE UNAUTHORIZED, a November 2007 release. When not writing or designing, you can find Lois trudging through stacks of manuscripts as she hunts for diamonds in the slush piles for the Ashley Grayson Literary Agency. Visit Lois at www.loiswinston.com.

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The following is an excerpt from the book An Ocean of Air
by Gabrielle Walker
Published by Harcourt, Inc.; August 2007;$25.00US; 978-0-15-101124-7
Copyright © 2007 Gabrielle Walker

Chapter 1
The Ocean Above Us

Nearly four hundred years ago, in a patchwork of individual fiefdoms that we now call Italy, a revolution of ideas was struggling to take place. The traditional way to understand the workings of the world — through a combination of divine revelation and abstract reasoning — had begun to come under attack from a new breed. These people called themselves “natural philosophers,” because the word “scientist” had not yet been invented. To find out the way the world worked, they didn’t sit around and talk about it. They went out and looked. This was not an approach that was likely to find favor with the Church, home of received wisdom, or with its instruments — the whispering Inquisitors, with their hotline back to Rome. Now, a certain natural philosopher had fallen very foul of those Inquisitors and been forced to stop his investigations into the structure of the heavens. His name was Galileo Galilei, and our story begins with him.

Convent of Minerva, Rome
June 22, 1633

I, Galileo Galilei, son of the late Vincenzo Galilei, Florentine, aged seventy years, arraigned personally before this tribunal, and kneeling before you, most Eminent and Reverend Lord Cardinals, Inquisitors general against heretical depravity throughout the whole Christian Republic . . . have been pronounced by the Holy Office to be vehemently suspected of heresy, that is to say, of having held and believed that the sun is the center of the world and immovable, and that the earth is not the center and moves:

Therefore, desiring to remove from the minds of your Eminences, and of all faithful Christians, this strong suspicion, reasonably conceived against me, with sincere heart and unfeigned faith I abjure, curse, and detest the aforesaid errors and heresies . . . and I swear that in the future I will never again say or assert, verbally or in writing, anything that might furnish occasion for a similar suspicion regarding me.

As the great Galileo rose from his knees at the end of this infamous, and forced, recantation, he is said to have muttered “Eppur si muove!” (“And yet it moves!”). He knew in his heart that Earth moves around the sun, in spite of what the Inquisitors had made him say. Still, devoutly religious as he was, he had no taste for defying his own church. Nor had he any desire to share the fate of the unfortunate monk Giordano Bruno, who a few decades earlier had been publicly burned for holding similar views. Galileo may have been the most famous philosopher in all Italy, but he knew that in itself wouldn’t save him from the fire.
Read the rest of this entry »

South Beach Chicas Catch Their Man, the latest book by award-winning Romance novelist Caridad Pineiro, is due for release in September. Visit her website at http://www.caridad.com to learn more about her books.

by Chrissy Dionne
Romance Junkies

An ancient relic granted by Divine Decree to a Noble Knight who had been mortally wounded is buried beneath the foundation of a home - this home had once been named Pierce House but now is known as THE HOUSE ON THE BLUFF. Only a direct descendant of the Noble Knight may take possession of the house - and even he or she will be tested by the house to deem if he or she is worthy.

Abigail and her consort, Ethan, have fulfilled the prophecy surrounding their current dwelling which they’ve converted into an Inn. It’s a beautiful house steeped in mystery and ghostly wonders - who cling to the old ways. There’s no electricity, no running water, no central heating system, no phone and no television. Abigail’s a bit apprehensive about their first guests. There’s a possibility they’ll get spooked and want to leave especially once the ghosts make themselves known. There’s no way of telling how the ghosts will react to guests at the Inn and Jacob, the apparitions’ “Ambassador,” knows it will just depend. Many of the ghosts have been living there for centuries and may not like having visitors in their house.

As soon as the first guests arrives a shapeless apparition appears over the Inn. Abigail, Ethan, and Tony (town sheriff and sometime permanent resident of the Inn when he’s not working) quickly realize that this apparition is not one of the ‘Others’ and they question who it is and what it wants. The ghostly appearance doesn’t scare off the guests though and is just the beginning of the bizarre appearances which will be taking place over the next couple of days. What will happen when the guests unexplainably begin to start disappearing - one or two at a time? Is the house holding them hostage?

I don’t normally read ghost stories but I have to tell you I was fascinated by this one! Elena Dorothy Bowmen’s GATEKEEPER’S REALM takes an ancient prophecy and brings it into a modern day setting with results that will steal your breath. I was enthralled by the ghost scenes and the guests reactions to each of them and couldn’t wait to find out what would happen next or to whom it would happen. The storyline moved along at a quick pace but it never lacked enough descriptive information that I was easily able to imagine each of the scenes.

I would highly recommend reading HOUSE ON THE BLUFF first simply because I believe it goes into more of the details of what Abigail had to endure in order to claim the house. Of course, I’m also going to recommend the third book, ADAM’S POINT, because there are questions that are left unanswered in this story and I’m dying to find out the answers. HOUSE ON THE BLUFF, GATEKEEPER’S REALM and ADAM’S POINT are all available now.

SNIPPET:
The HOUSE ON THE BLUFF has been converted into an Inn and the ghostly spirits who inhabit the house seem to have taken offense at the guests presence amongst them. Are any of them safe from the ghostly wrath? What will happen when the guests start mysteriously disappearing?

Odds are you know some people who’ve got a comedy script or performance project. Maybe they just don’t know where to submit it, or maybe they’re stuck and need help developing it.

That’s where The Other Network COMEDY CONTEST comes in. We’re looking for comedic talent with maximum flavor, a distinctive voice and a singular point of view.

Other contests give away software. We provide access to the people who most often make the decision to hire writers — OTHER WRITERS.

Now in its fourth year, the contest offers REAL ACCESS to and ADVICE from some of the most active, experienced people in TV comedy. Executives. Agents. Managers. Not to mention writers for “The Simpsons,” “Saturday Night Live,” “Sex and the City,” “The Office,” “Everybody Loves Raymond” and other shows that have become benchmarks of TV comedy.

Two of our most recent winners got their scripts into the heads of HEAD EXECS at COMEDY CENTRAL and got notes from SHOWRUNNERS who’ve expressed interest in being attached to the projects! Original script winners are now also in the hands of literary agents at Metropolitan and William Morris.

Previous winners have had their work seen by agents at UTA and Metropolitan, managers at Brillstein-Grey, executives at Fox and Comedy Central, producers and award-winning TV creators like:

ALAN ZWEIBEL (”Saturday Night Live,” “It’s Garry Shandling’s Show”)
BOB ODENKIRK (”Mr. Show,” “Saturday Night Live,” “Tenacious D”)
JOHN RIGGI (”The Comeback,” “30 Rock,” “The Larry Sanders Show”)
JAY KOGEN (”The Simpsons,” “Frasier”)
BILL OAKLEY & JOSH WEINSTEIN (”The Simpsons,” “The Mullets”)
WINNIE HOLZMAN (”Wicked”, Creator of “My So-Called Life”)
BRYAN FULLER (”Wonderfalls”, “Heroes”)
CINDY CHUPACK (”Sex and the City”, “Everybody Loves Raymond”)
BRENT FORRESTER (”The Office”, “King of The Hill”, “Undeclared”)
ROB COHEN (”The Ben Stiller Show”, “The Simpsons”)
JON KINNALLY (”Will & Grace”)

We don’t promise you riches and fame. But no matter what happens, you’ll get advice you can use to strengthen your work and have a better shot in the future.

So here’s the deal:

YOUR WORK

- Can be an original piece of writing or a ’spec’ of a TV series that has aired

- Any comedy format on paper, tape, disc or file (sketch, short, animation, monolog, etc.)

- Multiple submissions & re-submissions OK (but please do a serious re-write!)

- Material that’s been optioned by another network is NOT OK (this contest is about opening a pipeline for people who don’t already have access to the business).

HOW TO ENTER

1. Print out the entry form from the link on the Other Network Contest home page.

2. Send us your script(s) or disc(s)

+ signed entry form for each submission

+ $40 per submission (check to ‘Un-Cabaret’ or use the Paypal link on the Other Network Contest home page):

Mail to: UN-CABARET
137 N. Larchmont Blvd. #107
Los Angeles, CA 90004

Submitted material must be post-marked no later than Dec. 1, 2007.

In case of editorial emergency, break glass and call …

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2062 Panamint Dr.
Los Angeles, CA 90065
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The following is an excerpt from the book Love, Lies and a Double Shot of Deception by Lois Winston

Winter wonderland, my ass.

The stinging wind whipped at Emma’s exposed cheeks and brought tears to her eyes. Lowering her head, she trudged around the enormous mounds of black snow piled along the curb, searching for a semi-safe path onto the sidewalk. Finding none, she grabbed a parking meter and hauled herself over the smallest of the soot-encrusted icebergs. Some people would go to any lengths for their morning cup of java, and she was one of them.

As she yanked open the door to Chapters and Verse, the “Spring Movement” of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons greeted her. Someone had a really warped sense of humor. Or hoped the power of positive thinking could affect weather patterns. Still, the music held a reminder that the harsh realities of early February in Philadelphia would eventually give way to sunshine and flowers come late March. Maybe. Last year they’d suffered through one of their worst blizzards ever the first week in April.

Emma shivered, thoughts of daffodils and crocuses quickly replaced by the chill rippling through her damp body. Shaking the moisture from her hair, she deposited her coat on a chair in the café, then headed for the coffee bar.

“Morning,” said the barista. “The usual?”

“Please.”

With her morning shot of caffeine and sugar in hand, Emma trolled the stacks of books, occasionally pulling a volume from the shelves and sliding it under her arm. She needed the predictability of this daily routine. It helped her get through the rest of the day. Every day.

Why the hell do I stay?

If she had any courage, she’d leave. Sell the house. Move away. Start over. But she couldn’t leave, and her reasons had little to do with a lack of courage. Life in Emmaville was just too damn complex. One part guilt, one part masochism. But how could she leave the only tangible reminder she had of life before everything had turned to shit?

So she stayed, losing herself in work that at least gave her the satisfaction of knowing her efforts helped others. She pushed herself each day until exhaustion overcame her and she fell into nightmare-riddled sleep. Tomorrow morning the cycle would repeat itself. I’m a twenty-first century Sisyphus, eternally damned to live out an unending punishment for my sins. Not that she had a clue as to whatever sin first condemned her years before, but she’d certainly committed a whopper since then. Whether a sin of omission or commission, it hardly mattered. The result was the same.

Still, what would be the harm in a short escape? She deserved that much, didn’t she? Emma closed her eyes and conjured up a distant memory of a sun-kissed Adriatic coastline. Hell, why not? She opened her eyes and headed for the travel section.

* * *

Logan Crawford’s mind kept drifting back to the events of last night, an evening definitely not worth remembering. Even her name escaped him. Although normally not a problem, this time he was saddled with Candi-Randi-Bambi-whatever-the-hell-her-name-was for the length of his stay in Philadelphia. As head of the city’s redevelopment office, she was his official escort-slash-liaison, the person assigned to make certain he chose the City of Brotherly Love as the East coast site for his corporate headquarters. And last night Candi-Randi-Bambi, a woman who wore her ambition emblazoned across her surgically augmented chest, made it abundantly clear just how far she’d go to get him to sign on the dotted line. And it was far from brotherly. Or sisterly.

Logan doubted he was the first billionaire businessman she’d bedded in her quest up the corporate ladder, but he’d wager a good portion of his sizeable fortune that he was the biggest — the wunderkind west coast urban developer who was giving The Donald a run for his money. Only Logan had better hair — as the media was quick to point out.

With a snap of his fingers, he could provide Candi-Randi-Bambi with an express elevator straight through the glass ceiling, and she knew it.

No fucking way in hell.

Last night when he stared down into Candi-Randi-Bambi’s come-hither eyes, he saw the reflection of a disillusioned, unhappy man. And damn, up to that moment he hadn’t even realized he’d been disillusioned or unhappy. He had wealth; he had power. So what was up with the sudden emptiness and dissatisfaction?

Beryl would say it was because he led a shallow life devoid of emotional commitment. As much as he protested to the contrary, he knew she was right. Maybe it was time to leave the bimbos to Trump.

Struck by the epiphany, he’d bolted from Candi-Randi-Bambi’s bed. They’d used each other. She spread her legs hoping to advance her career; he’d taken advantage of the offer. Sex without emotional entanglements, the pattern of his adult life. He got the release he needed, and the woman got a notch on her bedpost. Only this time it hadn’t worked. After thirty-eight years Logan Crawford realized it was time to grow up. Only damn it, he didn’t have a clue how.

Still reeling from the self-revelation, he’d canceled his morning appointments and headed his rental car north, needing some time alone to think. After driving for half an hour he found himself in a quiet, upscale section of Philadelphia. A bookstore on top of a hill beckoned like a siren.

For the rest of his stay in Philadelphia he vowed to spend his nights curled up with a good thriller rather than a cheap thrill. Now all he had to do was find one. At the moment he couldn’t even find the damn fiction section in the boundless maze of shelves that wound around the first level of the two story megastore. Lost in the travel section, he spun on his heels and –

THUD!

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About the Author

Lois Winston is the author of several romance novels. Her book, Talk Gertie to Me, won the 2007 Readers and Bookbuyers Best Laurie Award. Find out more about Lois by visiting her website at http://www.loiswinston.com.

If your book or novel doesn’t fit into a well-defined mass market box that the large publishing houses cater to, you may find yourself researching smaller publishers. In today’s world, that seems to mean e-publishers.

So, now that you’ve been offered a contract from an e-publisher you’re ecstatic. It feels great to say, “A publisher wants to publish my book.” But once you come off that high by reading the small print, your euphoria is replaced with questions. Reality sets in. What, exactly, does signing with an e-publisher do for you that self-publishing does not? Or is there an advantage to self-publishing over signing with an e-publisher?

Now that self-publishing without upfront fees, through Lulu, for example, is available and many e-publishers are either dispensing with an automatic print run, charging you for print, or making print dependent upon number of sales, it’s time to examine what exactly an e-publisher does for you versus self-publishing. So, let’s take a closer look at each scenario.

E-publish

You now have a publisher’s name to announce. You can tell everybody, “I’m published by “so-and-so.” In return, the e-publisher may:

* Provide a web site
* Format the book during production
* May or may not edit the book and you may or may not agree with the edits
* Provide a cover
* If print, they will provide the ISBN and get your book into Amazon and Barnes and Noble, although some e-publishers charge a fee for print
* Determine the release schedule
* Bond with other writers with the same publisher
* Draw traffic to your book by readers of that publisher if similar in genre
* May or may not provide your book in print
* Insist you spend time promoting, including participating in author chats

Self-publish

You have to go it alone. Sometimes you will be dismissed as being “self-published” and reviews will be harder to obtain. In return, you can:

* Create your own web site presence
* Control the schedule
* Design your own cover, including the ability to use the cover in promotion
* Format your book design during production
* Edit as you wish or hire your own editor
* Set your own price above POD fees, although ISBN packages may set price too high
* Determine availability in electronic and/or print
* Retain the rights to sell to one of the big publishers
* Control promotion of your book and not have it listed in areas you deem inappropriate

You may have noticed that it really comes down to how much you’re capable of or have the desire to do yourself. Especially if you have your own web site, and the professional editing, graphic, and production skills. With self-publishing you will have to get your book on Amazon and Barnes and Noble, which will require the purchase of an ISBN or the ISBN package that Lulu provides. But the additional distribution fees may raise the price of your book to a point that will not sell. Or you could self-publish with Lulu, without purchasing the ISBN package, thereby, setting your own price.

But self-publishing may be worth it if you have your heart set on seeing your book in print and the e-publisher has set a certain number of sales before they will put it in print. Note: some types of books do not sell as well in e-format and will never get enough sales to then move into print. The e-publisher will retain the print rights for a set amount of time and you’ll have to wait for them to expire before you either sell them to another publisher or self-publish it yourself anyway.

Only you can determine which publishing method is best for you and your book. But, whatever method you choose, promotion is really going to be up to you.

Kathy Holmes writes women’s fiction while raising an awareness for women over 40 and fatherless daughters. She has self-published a nonfiction book called “Myths of the Fatherless” about her journey to find her father and her first novel, “Real Women Wear Red.” She can be reached at http://www.kathyholmes.net.

As CEO, founder and tour coordinator for Pump Up Your Book Promotion, I get many questions that run the gamut from “What is a virtual book tour?” to “How many books will I sell during my tour?”

To explain virtual book tours, it’s simply an online tour where you will be stopping off at various blogs giving interviews, receiving reviews for your book, or guest posting during a set time.

Sounds easy, but it’s a lot of work that the author may not realize until he or she does one.

The beauty of virtual book tours is that your book will be appearing all over the Internet without ever leaving your home. Everyone by now has heard of them and quite a few of you have been on one.

But, for those who have not, I’m going to explain what virtual book tours can do for you and how you can make full use of one if you are going it alone.

I have been running Pump Up Your Book Promotion Virtual Book Tours for a scant three months and already we are booked solid with great names such as Jane Green, Caridad Pineiro and Sandi Kahn Shelton. But, right along with these bestselling authors are unknown authors trying to pave a way into the vast book buyer’s territory; namely, those readers out there who have never heard of them because they aren’t well-known authors and perhaps would have never known about them if it weren’t for online book tours.

And that’s the beauty of online tours. Anyone can do them.

Whether you set one up yourself or you hire someone to run your tour for you, you start out by targeting book blogs and bloggers who write the same genre. The reasoning for the latter is that if that particular blogger has friends who visit because of the genre, your book will be more appealing to them.

However, that’s not a die hard rule.

The key is exposure to all audiences. While John Smith might like to read a good horror book, he might enjoy a good art book. Even though the two genres are completely different, don’t pass up a chance to appear on a blog that doesn’t match your genre if the host invites you because you just never know who might stop by.

Which brings me to the point of this article. A virtual book tour is perpetual. Even though your tour may last a month and you may or may not sell books (although not selling any is highly unlikely), as long as the host keeps your interview in their archives, your stop will be linked up in the search engines forever.

The key to making your tour successful is to get on as many blogs as you possibly can. The more blogs you appear, the more links go into the search engines and this ups your rankings for your particular key search words.

So, not only is your tour perpetual, your rankings in the search engines go through the roof and that’s the sole purpose of a virtual book tour. While it’s fun to watch your tour in progress, what’s really going to matter is afterwards when your tour is long over.

The beauty of virtual book tours is that, if the bloggers have thought to use tags in your interviews, your tour stops should come up on the very first page of the search engines using your key search words. It’s a known fact that if your book does not come up on the first three pages of the search engines using any given search words that describe your book, you’ve just lost a customer.

Millions of people use the Internet each day. By incorporating SEO (search engine optimization), which our company is known for, your tour stands to outshine the rest.

Virtual book tours can be fun, but they can also be a crash course in finding out how blogs and the search engines work and how you can make it work for you to make your tour something to be proud of.

Dorothy Thompson is CEO/Founder of Pump Up Your Book Promotion, a full service public relations firm specializing in online book tours. You can visit her website at http://www.pumpupyourbookpromotion.com.

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