How to Be a Nervous Wreck

Things I Overheard While Talking to Myself, by Alan Alda

by Alan Alda

Actor and author of Things I Overheard While Talking To Myself

A friend who had seen me in a play came backstage and asked if I still get nervous before I go onstage. She imagined I feel a little fright, being in front of a live audience with no chance for a second take. She was surprised when I told her that I don?t feel nervous; just very alert. In fact, if I?m rehearsed and focused, the performance can be like stepping into a safe place where everything goes right. Even tiny mistakes are lucky grace notes that never happened before and will never happen again.

But there is a certain fear for me in acting, and it happens much earlier than opening night: it?s when I?m in a chair, reading the script for the first time and wondering how I could possibly play such a part. When I?m faced with a kind of character I?ve never tried before, the fear can rise to the level of terror. But, it?s a terror I look forward to, and I don?t like to take on a part unless it scares me a little.

I?ve found a tremendous value in this kind of fear, because if I don?t wonder how I?m going to accomplish something, I?m in danger of doing it the way I?ve done it before, or even worse, the way I?ve seen someone else do it. Being scared can be a sign that I?m not headed toward an easy stereotype.

But, here?s where it gets weird. I don?t just scare myself with playacting. I scare myself in the rest of my life, too. Somehow, it seems to make me feel more alive. Once my name became known to a number of people, I was asked speak before groups of people where I had no business showing up. They probably asked me because my name was a drawing card, and they didn?t expect much; it was supposed to be smooth sailing. But when that moment comes that I realize people will be spending their evening listening to what I have to say, the boat turns over and I feel the heaviness of an ocean that has just gone from being under me to resting on top of me.
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